Note: for those experienced umbrella users (from the east Coast), something seems wrong with this depiction.

Southern Californians, take a look at the image above. Take a hard, long look. I know it's difficult. I know you're scared. I am, too. But look anyway. Try.

This object ... this device ... this thing ...  is called an umbrella.

It's used to prevent you from getting wet. Now let me explain, since I realize that this is a bit vague.

You would NOT use it in the shower, even though you DO get wet there. And you wouldn't use it in your swimming pool, where the goal IS to get wet.

You would use it to prevent getting wet from that elusive event we call "rain."

I can see by your confused gaze that I am not explaining this well. My fault. It is hard to understand why you use a tool to prevent something which so rarely exists.

So let me step back.

Rain is a natural event, many believe, in which water, not unlike that which comes from Arrowhead bottles, falls from above and strikes the ground.

The source of that falling water is not fully understood, though through the centuries theories have emerged.

Some believe that rain results when you fail to keep your swimming pool filled to a proper level. The atmosphere senses this imbalance and corrects it by pouring water into your pool.

While this seems plausible, it seems as though it should rain more often than it does for it to be true. There are so many pools in Southern California, and some of them must be underfilled on any given day. I don't know. Part of me just can't accept this theory.

Another theory as to why it rains is simply that it's always raining all of the time, but that most of the time you can't see it happening or feel it strike you. It's not understood why the rain would "show itself" when it does. Or perhaps only certain people can see the rain all of the time, and others, myself included, can only see it occasionally. This certainly explain the variability of weather forecasting on television.

Most though in Southern California, believe that rainfall is simply a myth, a collected memory of ancient origin distorted over time through endless retelling.

I fall into that group.

But today, to my amazement, myth became reality.

What is the defense against this aerial attack? Is there no way to combat the devastation it rains (no pun intended) upon the innocent?

There is the umbrella. That's the cartoon image I placed at the beginning of this post (I dared not place an actual image of an umbrella for fear of reaction).

But what am I trying to say? I would tell you, but I would prefer my more critical persona discuss the non-use of umbrellas in Southern California.

And since the tonal change would be odd within this post, I will artificially end this post now and turn it over to a "guest" commentator who isn't afraid to say just what's on his mind.

See you in the next post ... coming soon ...